Saturday’s are my favorite days in Valencia. The rush of the week has come to a close and stillness slips gently into the streets. The rain drizzles from time to time but I am dry nestled in my cozy Starbucks chair. Crowded voices chatter all around me but quietness has found my heart. So much has happened this week that has reminded me that there is no life without God. There are so many empty souls that wander these streets not knowing that their lives remain incomplete. If only I could entreat the Lord’s heart to open their eyes…will you hear me, Lord?
My heart is heavy and my mind weighs many things. These are the days when I wish I could crawl into the Lord’s lap and just sit for awhile, listening to his heart beat. His arms around me are comforting and his invitation to trust him for today lingers in my ears.
This week we visited with Hank and his wife, Nadine. Nadine has had many physical health issues for the past month. We have be praying that God would reveal what is going on with her. She is very concerned that her husband cannot find a job. They have three children and two are still very young. He was able to get a small job cleaning for a couple at our church twice a week and has the prospect of picking oranges soon when the fields are ready for harvest. But this orange picking job only pays 15 Euros a day which does not include the money he will have to pay for transportation to the field. It’s slave labor, really. What man can work for less than $20 a day for 8 hours and support a wife and three children? We are all praying for God’s provision. However, Nadine needs to give her worries to the Lord. I reached down and grabbed an object and grasped it firmly in my hand then opened Hank’s hand to illustrate God’s hand extended to us. We explained that the objects we hold onto in our hearts are our cares and worries that our heavenly Father asks us to place in his hands. I also explained that God was a gentleman and would not force the object out of my hand. Only when I was willing, could I place the object in his hands to keep safely for me. When I think about this illustration, I know that the teacher has become the student yet again. I find my heart full, brimming over with uncertainty – and God’s hand lovingly before my little fingers, asking me to give up the weight that is so obviously too great for me to bear. I know there is no other way. My heart will know no peace until I do.
Fear is such a powerful synthesis. Perhaps it is the greatest evil man has created. Our minds conceive its substance and form, continually feeding a beast we cannot control. I find myself needing to be rescued from its powerful grasp once again. Needing once more to be taught what it means to stand in awe rather than cower in anguish. All the while the humble Spirit of service stands beside us gently persisting, “Which will you choose: life or death?” This the pendulum upon which life hinges. This is the place I have found myself in today. I am reminded of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader when one of the main characters finds himself in a land where his greatest fears are manifested before him. The ship’s crew is warned of this strange island’s enchantments; however, the warning comes too late. Almost instantly, the murky waters begin to swirl around them and a giant sea serpent emerges. The entire crew finds themselves in a fight it seems they cannot win, when suddenly the main character remembers the truth that can grant him the victory he desires. He remembers that this being did not exist before his mind conceived it and therefore does not hold the power over him that he once had given it. God help me to remember that my fears have not been created by you. Thank you for your truth that rescues us from ourselves and the lies we allow to penetrate and paralyze our lives.
I stumbled upon this song in my reverie and have found it profound. The words are simple. Sometimes simplicity is the perfect presence for my many complexities. I hope you like it too.I attached the link if you want to listen to the song.
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
And I’m so close
To what I can’t control
I can’t give you half my heart
and pray he makes you whole
Chorus:
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if its not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I’ll start
I won’t let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won’t let pain
Keep you from my heart
I’ll trade the fear
Of all that I could lose
For every moment
I’ll share with you
Heaven brought me to this moment
It’s too wonderful to speak
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You’re worth all of me
You’re worth all of me
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