Mi cabeza está llena! My head is full…I know I am a thinker by nature but today seemed to be a particularly full of thinking. Yesterday, I went to visit Nadine for a few hours. There really are no words to describe the heaviness I feel for her…I absolutely hate feeling so utterly helpless. I am a “doer”- for those of your reading this who know me well- try to contain your laughter. Usually, I only see her when we get together to study the Bible or at church so I wanted to come by to visit without an agenda. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be a woman in a foreign land with many cares and worries and no outlet for communication with other women. So we talked…about life. She talked for a little while until her voice cracked and she held her head in her hands to cry. With tears streaming down my face I wrapped my arms around her and whispered, “Esos abrazos son como los abrazos de Jesus para ti.” These arms are as the arms of Jesus for you… And I cry even more now than I did then because I know inside her heart is hurting. Every night her eyes look to heaven when she lies down at night wondering when the Lord will open his storehouses and hear her cry. There is no work in Spain. Everyone is looking for a job. For now, her husband will work every day for at least 12 hours picking oranges for less than $10 a day. If it rains, there is no work and he must pay 4 Euros. Their son does not have legal papers and will need over 1,000 Euros very soon. Then there is monthly rent for their apartment, utilities, the toilet is broken, transportation, etc. She can’t talk to her family because they are Christians now and persecute her. My American mind wants so badly to give her all of my money…but I know the answer to these problems is not money. If it were then the Lord could have paid the ransom for our sins in whichever currency he preferred. I know that it is only in difficult times that we truly learn to trust him but in that moment with her I could not be spiritual. All of the right words left me and I could only feel the despair and cry with her. What could I say? Could I sit there and say that everything will be fine and God is good? In my heart I cried out to the Lord, “How long, oh Lord? How long will you wait to answer them?” I know that the Lord desires intimacy with us above all else and uses our distresses to teach us but I don’t want them to suffer anymore. I want her to sleep peacefully at night. I want her to stop having ear infections and headaches from worrying every day how she will ever see goodness in this life. So from the time that I got up this morning, I have thought little of anything else save the words of a song stuck in my head: “y los angeles le adoran y los serafines cantan- Santo es el Senor! Él está en su trono…” The angels adore him and the seraphim sing, ‘Holy is the Lord!’ He is on his throne.
Even as I type I hear the words of Jeremiah, “Is there no balm in Gilead?” Gilead was a city renowned for its healing balm yet they were a people in need of healing. Jeremiah cried out to the LORD who heals, Jehovah Rafa, and asked him to heal this broken people. Thank you, Lord, for reminding: there is healing and it only comes from you. My heart breaks because I need you so much and I am among a people that need you terribly. Won’t you rend the heavens and come down? Will you not answer the cries of your children and draw them out of the pit. Watching their lives remain in ruin is a miserable task. Why did you send me here? Of all people, I know you are not without compassion. Lord, I wish you could have been there to hold us both. I am not strong enough…
I remember when you drew me out…I remember when you taught me how to love you. Teach them quickly, Lord. The hour for your coming is nearer now then it was then and they have many stories that need telling…So that one more might come to know you, Jesus.
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