The Lord is on his Throne

I wrote this a week ago but just had a moment to publish it...

Mi cabeza está llena! My head is full…I know I am a thinker by nature but today seemed to be a particularly full of thinking. Yesterday, I went to visit Nadine for a few hours. There really are no words to describe the heaviness I feel for her…I absolutely hate feeling so utterly helpless. I am a “doer”- for those of your reading this who know me well- try to contain your laughter. Usually, I only see her when we get together to study the Bible or at church so I wanted to come by to visit without an agenda. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be a woman in a foreign land with many cares and worries and no outlet for communication with other women. So we talked…about life. She talked for a little while until her voice cracked and she held her head in her hands to cry. With tears streaming down my face I wrapped my arms around her and whispered, “Esos abrazos son como los abrazos de Jesus para ti.” These arms are as the arms of Jesus for you… And I cry even more now than I did then because I know inside her heart is hurting. Every night her eyes look to heaven when she lies down at night wondering when the Lord will open his storehouses and hear her cry. There is no work in Spain. Everyone is looking for a job. For now, her husband will work every day for at least 12 hours picking oranges for less than $10 a day. If it rains, there is no work and he must pay 4 Euros. Their son does not have legal papers and will need over 1,000 Euros very soon. Then there is monthly rent for their apartment, utilities, the toilet is broken, transportation, etc. She can’t talk to her family because they are Christians now and persecute her. My American mind wants so badly to give her all of my money…but I know the answer to these problems is not money. If it were then the Lord could have paid the ransom for our sins in whichever currency he preferred. I know that it is only in difficult times that we truly learn to trust him but in that moment with her I could not be spiritual. All of the right words left me and I could only feel the despair and cry with her. What could I say? Could I sit there and say that everything will be fine and God is good? In my heart I cried out to the Lord, “How long, oh Lord? How long will you wait to answer them?” I know that the Lord desires intimacy with us above all else and uses our distresses to teach us but I don’t want them to suffer anymore. I want her to sleep peacefully at night. I want her to stop having ear infections and headaches from worrying every day how she will ever see goodness in this life. So from the time that I got up this morning, I have thought little of anything else save the words of a song stuck in my head: “y los angeles le adoran y los serafines cantan- Santo es el Senor!  Él está en su trono…” The angels adore him and the seraphim sing, ‘Holy is the Lord!’ He is on his throne.

 Even as I type I hear the words of Jeremiah, “Is there no balm in Gilead?” Gilead was a city renowned for its healing balm yet they were a people in need of healing. Jeremiah cried out to the LORD who heals, Jehovah Rafa, and asked him to heal this broken people. Thank you, Lord, for reminding: there is healing and it only comes from you. My heart breaks because I need you so much and I am among a people that need you terribly. Won’t you rend the heavens and come down? Will you not answer the cries of your children and draw them out of the pit. Watching their lives remain in ruin is a miserable task. Why did you send me here? Of all people, I know you are not without compassion. Lord, I wish you could have been there to hold us both. I am not strong enough…

I remember when you drew me out…I remember when you taught me how to love you. Teach them quickly, Lord. The hour for your coming is nearer now then it was then and they have many stories that need telling…So that one more might come to know you, Jesus.

Crocodiles

  Since last Friday marked the final week of my language school training, Chris and Anita took me to visit a beautiful city about two hours north of Valencia called Albarracin. Actually, I’m not entirely sure it was a reward for finishing school but that is my story and I’m sticking to it. The city was breathtaking. I didn’t realize how much I had missed seeing land, mountains, and flowing water. The city was everything I ever imagined that Spain would look like. Large stone walls scaled the mountainside around the little city that lay below. We walked all through the city, stopping here and there in little shops and corridors to see what the little town had to offer our glimmering eyes. Can you tell that I never grew up?
While we were there, we met two men from North Africa. To one we gave a Jesus film and the other an Injil (Arabic NT). They told us there were only a few people from their country living in Albarracin. The men we met were cousins. One worked in a small shop that sold souvenirs from the city and the other was our waiter in the small restaurant where we ate dinner. Whenever we ask a Muslim if they would be interested in reading an Injil, we remind them that the Qur’an teaches that it is a holy book and should be read by all Muslims. I am learning a lot about Islam while I am here. For example, this weekend I learned that Islam operates on a different time table than the rest of the world. We live in the year 2011 because we mark the ending of B.C. and the beginning of A.D. with Christ’s birth. Since the Muslims believe that Mohammad is the true prophet of God, they begin their years with Mohammad’s life. Can you imagine becoming a Christian after having lived your entire life so completely opposed to the ways of the one true God? I find that I must continually remember who I formerly was as Paul says, in order to understand what our dear friends must be going through.
 
When we arrived home on Saturday evening there was much to do. I don’t think I ever realized how much work it is to be a missionary. These people NEVER stop! I’m young and I need a rest! Sometimes I wonder how they do it… We even went to the Internet café to talk to a man we met a few days prior from Pakistan (Muslim). We wanted to see if he would be interested in reading the Injil. He was interested but seemed a bit hostile. Pray for “Allen” as he reads the only words of truth he has ever seen. Since it seems he was not willing to talk to us, we are praying that God will move mightily as he reads those words. Pray that this living book will beckon him to discover its rich Truths.
   
Ngor, Chris and Anita’s first disciple Spain, also came to visit us this weekend. He works in a city several hours south of Valencia where he herds sheep. He is from Senegal and has not been home to see his family in over 6 years. He will finally return this Thursday and is praying for God to open his father’s heart to receive Christ. Ngor’s family worships idols and needs to know the freedom that Jesus’ blood can bring. He also plans to marry a girl from his country while he is there. Ngor explained that she wants to know how to have a relationship with Jesus- pray that the Lord will draw her heart to his and that Ngor will only enter into a marriage with a woman with whom he is confident loves the Lord as much as he does.

We were also celebrating Chris’s birthday! It was a blessing to have Ngor visit during this special occasion. You may remember that I included a picture of Ngor and Chris in my very first prayer letter, prior to my arrival in Spain. It was exciting for me to finally meet him in person after hearing so much about him. When I told him my name, he laughed and began to explain what my name meant in his language. At first I thought he said a small sea animal like a conch or shelled fish…then as he kept repeating the name in Spanish- “Cocodrilo, Cocodrilo”…I finally realized that it wasn’t something pretty at all…it was a scary, ugly Crocodile! You can imagine my disappointment. Then I explained to him what my named really meant. I told him that in Hebrew it comes from the word Iscah meaning God sees. I also told him that there was a name of God with this meaning as well, El Roi- the God who sees. I told him the story of Hagar when she left after being mistreated by Sarah and was found by God in the wilderness. He gave her water and told her of the great nation within her womb. He told her to return to her mistress and she responded in awe, “You are the God who sees!” I much prefer this story over the crocodile, don’t you? Anyway… after I got over being named after a Crocodile, we laughed and talked and ate until we couldn’t eat anything more. I do love a good party!
Last week Anita asked me to teach Hank & Nadine how to study their Bible Inductively, meaning to learn to study God’s word for themselves rather than continuing to depend on others to “feed” them. Oh dear… If they learned anything it truly is because the Lord taught them. It was very difficult for me to try to gather what I thought was most important to begin with. Language is also a barrier…there are many words that I needed to use that I only knew in English that really didn’t translate into Spanish. Remember that they speak French and Arabic…Ay yay yay! So with Anita’s help I did my best to break down the important concepts while she translated. So there we were…with our Spanish/Arabic dictionary, my English Bible, and the Lord who speaks every language. These are the moments when I wish I could speak in tongues. We are studying the life of Abraham. I love this study because it is such a perfect picture of the life of the believer. In many ways, I believe that Hank and Nadine will be able to identify with this man and his family simply because the Lord also called him out when he knew nothing of the One who spoke to him. Please pray that the Holy Spirit will teach them how to find the treasures that God has hidden for them in his word. My heart longs for them to taste and see that the Lord is good- because that is all I ever needed…one taste and I was hooked. I never wanted to live my life any other way.

I never realized the importance of praying for the scales to be removed from their eyes. And yet, in many ways our exposure to the word of God has left many of us blinded with the same scales of deception because we heard the word of God and did not obey.  There are so many biblical truths that I take for granted.Thank you, Lord for giving me the privilege of being born in a Christian nation. The Bible tells us that in the last days God will send a deluding spirit upon those who did not receive a love for the Truth. God help me to love your words and count them as treasures rather than words of offense. There is no life without you…

La Vida sin Ganas

Finally! I am writing a new post. I’m sorry I have not updated in over a week but I was sick for several days and was a little out of commission. This is my last week of language school! I am learning a lot but I am ready to be finished with school. I can hardly believe I have been here almost 4 weeks! There is so much to tell you I don’t know where to start. First let me say that I did consent to finally going to the doctor last Thursday…she gave me antibiotics and something for my congestion. I have to say that the overall experience was quite pleasant. The doctor’s office was very clean and the doctor spent a fair amount of time with me. Then on Monday I had to go to see the dentist because I was pretty sure I had some cavities…long story why I didn’t get that taken care of in the States…I know what you are thinking. But anyway I went and again- another pleasant experience. She saw me almost immediately, found the cavity and filled it. I don’t think I was even there an hour. OK- one more random experience then I will get to the point- I met a couple from Texas tonight at the language exchange and I was ELATED to say the least. Just being near them made me feel closer to that wonderful state. Haha- I’m sure you all will enjoy that. Rick here working for NATO and is about to retire. He and his wife Sarah will be moving back to Texas soon…Until I can return to the Lone Star State I will just have to live vicariously through them.

Now! On to more important things- Tonight, Anita and I went to the language exchange again. We were both a little discourage before we went in because the last time we were there (two weeks ago- I was sick and could not go last week and she stayed home to take care of me) it was very noisy and very difficult to hear the people- which makes it very difficult to talk about spiritual things. So before we went in we prayed and asked the Lord to give us boldness as well as an atmosphere in which we could speak about his love for the people. Anita is always telling me, “You have not because you ask not.” The Lord certainly answered our prayer!

I was so pleased with the conversations we had I could hardly stand it! I usually try to listen to the topics that the people talk about in order to better understand certain aspects of their character, as well as the cultural norms that they adhere to. One of the girls who was there a few weeks ago, Marian was talking about her time in London. She said that the people in the UK seem to drink constantly beyond enjoyment. I thought this was very interesting since drinking is so much a part of Spanish/ European culture. She explained that the people seemed to drink constantly and abundantly. The girl she stayed with surprised her because she was very serious during the week and became a completely different person on the weekends. Marian said that she would drink until she could drink no more and bring home a different strange man every night. And here is where I saw my opportunity. I asked Marian if she thought the girl’s behavior was a good thing. She replied that if it made the girl happy then it was fine with her- How sad. I persisted to ask if Marian would do the same thing and she said no. Then I shared my thoughts with the rest of the people sitting around us. They were all about 25-27 years old. I asked them why they thought the girl behaved this way-”maybe she likes it,” they answered. I shook my head in disbelief- no one who spends their life working every day of the week as one person and drinking and having sex with random strangers on the weekends as another person “likes” what they are doing. Their lives are empty and they are miserable. Apparently, the word miserable in Spanish is the same only pronounced differently. They could not believe the word carried the same meaning in both languages. The word must be very strong in Spanish. There is such a facade in Spain. The people acknowledge the economic crisis yet deny the spiritual crisis that exists in their hearts. They refuse to use words such as miserable because it uncovers the state they really live in. I told them that it was sad that they girl in London lived her life like that and proceeded to ask them what advice they might give to her. “Do you ever feel like this life is meaningless and repetitive?” Some of them nodded their heads. I certainly feel that way- but my only consolation is that someday I can be with my heavenly Father forever and that he gives me his words to sustain me for the moment. Everything else in this life is meaningless…didn’t a wise man say that once? Everything is vanity and chasing after the wind. At the end of his life he ascertained two things: Fear God and keep his commandments. Sitting with them in that moment, I thought about my own life. I thought about my dreams, my future, my family- all of them things that give meaning to my life. But none of them things are that truly satisfy my soul. At the end of the day, just as every man or woman, I feel the emptiness of life that this world offers. Jesus is the only being that separates me from the rest of the young men and women who sat around me tonight. In my heart I felt the frustration that came with trying to combat the distrust that Catholicism has brought to the hearts of the people. I tried to explain that religion was not the same as a relationship with Jesus. Religion is man’s attempt to get to God- but this can never be. God sent his son to us because he knew our arms could never reach the heights of his galaxies. Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except by me.” Catholicism has taught them that God is corrupt and cannot be trusted. But this is not true!!! God did not come in expensive clothing or royal garments. He did not come asking for money or mandating religious exercises. He did not come to enslave us to a law that we could not keep. He did not come to build decorative and ornate buildings. He did not come to teach men how to do good works. He came to set us free. He came to bring peace and hope. I tried my best to explain that a relationship with Jesus was unlike anything they had ever known…only God knows what they will remember. Carlos, a young man around 25 who sells insurance said to me, “I wish I could have what you have. But I do not believe in God. I do not see life the way you do. I try to be a good person and do good things for the sake of humanity. If I die, do you think that God will forgive me and let me go to heaven?” With great sorrow in my heart I shook my head…”No.” I explained that even if he believed in God it would not enough to grant him entrance into a holy place to live forever in the presence of a holy God. He needed the blood of Jesus to cover him. Right about this time Anita called out to me from the table she was sitting at nearby. They were discussing the movie that I lent to Rafael a few weeks ago, Amazing Grace. They wanted to hear the song and she told them I could sing…Thank you, Anita. So I sang the chorus aloud for everyone to hear. If only they truly knew the meaning of the words they were listening too. 

Oh Lord, I am so small. How can I make them see who you really are? What words can I say that will make them understand? With their own lips they told me that their hearts were hardened. I know that hearts are your specialty. Only you have the power to remove their heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. Won’t you make your fame known in this place? Won’t you leave your throne to rescue them from themselves? Open their eyes to the problem of pain in their heart! I beg you because they do not know how to beg you themselves. I know you hear me, Lord. I know you love me. I know your love is unmistakable…won’t you show them that these words are true? I am thankful that your grace found me and that you did not leave me where I am. Give me boldness, Lord. Let my life mean something…don’t let me die without doing great things for you. I know my heart could not bear the weight of living without losing everything I am to your molding hands. You do change us…Thank God you are not satisfied until I am more like you every day. Until that great day when I will be made like you forever…I will long to be with you and behold you face to face. Is there anything more wonderful than being loved by you?

I am trying to be sensitive to what the Lord is saying to me while I am here…Many times I have thought about what my life might be like should I choose to become a resident of Valencia. I am praying about ministering here full-time but I want to know God’s direction. I know he has a plan and purpose for my time here. Pray that I will know fully what it is that he wants me to do to please him. Know that I love you all and miss you greatly.